I want to start by saying something: I was never the '10' kid.
I was the one who passed classes by the skin of my teeth. The one who had subjects held over to the next term. The one who heard "no" too many times: no, you can't go out because you're doing badly in school, no, you can't go on vacation, you have to study, you have to try harder.
And even though I didn't understand it at the time, today there's something in all of that I feel deeply proud of: from a very young age I learned to fail and to get back up.
The kid who kept failing subjects
Yes, I always had subjects held over. And, paradoxically, that taught me a lot.
But I didn't learn Philosophy. I didn't learn Chemistry.
I learned resilience.
I learned what it means to push through when things don't work out. I learned to accept defeat, to stay out of plans with my friends, to not go on vacation, and to understand that sometimes wanting something isn't enough: you also have to make an effort, take responsibility, and try again.
I learned, basically, how to fail.
I learned, basically, how to fail.
Over the years I understood that this was one of the most important subjects school ever taught me, even though it never showed up on any report card.
What I learned instead of passing
When I look back, I can name clearly what all those "no"s and all those failed subjects left me with:
- Pushing through when things don't go the way I expected.
- Accepting defeat without turning it into an excuse.
- Staying out of plans with friends and understanding why.
- Accepting that wanting something isn't enough: you also have to take responsibility.
- Trying again after failing, again.
None of that shows up on a certificate. But over time, it turns out to be far more useful than most of the subjects I did pass.
Failing as a kid, not being "the perfect 10," making mistakes, falling down and having to try again prepares you for something much more important than passing an exam: it prepares you for life.
Not being the best in your class doesn't mean you failed. Sometimes, learning to fail as a kid is exactly what prepares you to not give up as an adult, when grades stop existing and what really matters is having the strength to get up when life hits you.
The '10' kid versus the '4' kid
Over time I started noticing a pattern in the stories of people I know: there's a real difference between having been "the 10" your whole life and having had to fight for every passing grade.
| Aspect | The '10' kid | The '4' kid |
|---|---|---|
| Relationship with mistakes | Avoids them, because he's not trained for them | Knows them by heart, expects them |
| Main driver | Passing, meeting expectations | Understanding, surviving, moving forward |
| Facing failure as an adult | Can break down from lack of practice | Already knows how to get through it |
| Source of learning | The system (school, grades) | Life itself, outside the report card |
This isn't a table meant to say one is better than the other. It's a way of showing that the "4 kid's" path also teaches something, even if the system never measures it.
The "no"s that were actually support
Today I also understand something I couldn't see back then: behind every one of those "no"s were parents who were there for me, who supported me, and who were trying to teach me to take responsibility for my own decisions.
They never stopped believing in me.
They just taught me that believing in someone also means preparing them for when things don't go the way they hope.
That completely changes how I read those "no"s today. They weren't punishment. They were training.
From WordPress to Phoenix, Arizona
Today, that "4 kid" is head of a development area at a company in Los Angeles, United States.
And today, after so many years of perseverance, resilience, and self-taught learning, I was invited by Automattic, the company behind WordPress, to take part in a WordCamp in Phoenix, Arizona.
WordPress is the tool I've worked with since I was 14 years old. And maybe that's why this invitation means so much more to me than just traveling to an event.
Because when I look back, I inevitably see that kid who kept failing subjects. The one who was told he couldn't go out. The one who watched his friends do things he couldn't do. The one who had to learn, often the hard way, that decisions have consequences and that you have to make an effort to get what you want.
What to do if you were (or are) the '4' kid
If you recognize yourself in this story, this isn't so you can play the victim or give yourself a medal. It's so you can use what you already learned the hard way.
- Write down the three times you failed hardest in your academic or professional life.
- Note what you learned from each one, even if you couldn't see it at the time.
- Check whether today, as a leader or founder, you're still avoiding failure, your own or your team's, instead of managing it.
- Ask yourself if you're letting the people you lead make mistakes and try again, or if you only reward the perfect result.
- Tell some young person who's failing a subject right now that it doesn't define anything yet.
Nobody's going to grade you on this list. But it's more honest than any report card.
What this means for anyone leading a team
This story isn't just personal. It has a direct consequence for anyone evaluating who to bring onto a technical team or who to put in charge of a project.
Resilience isn't taught in a course
It's built by failing for real and trying again, not by reading about it.
Self-taught learning leaves a mark
Someone who learned alone, out of necessity, usually has a curiosity that can't be forced.
The perfect report card predicts nothing
The best grade doesn't say how someone reacts when something really goes wrong.
When I'm evaluating talent, or thinking about who can hold a project together under pressure, I stop looking only at the perfect resume. I look at whether that person ever had to get back up from something, and how they did it.
What I'd tell the kid who kept failing subjects
If I could go back today and talk to that kid, I'd tell him: relax.
You didn't need to be the '10' kid. You needed to learn how to get back up.
Because years later, it wasn't the grades that got you here. It was your perseverance. Your curiosity. Your drive to teach yourself. All the "no"s. All the mistakes. All the times something went wrong and you decided to try once more.
And, of course, there were also those who always believed in you, even when you still didn't know what your path was going to be.
Today I understand that maybe the '4' kid was learning too. His subject just never showed up on any report card.
He was learning not to give up.
If you're leading people, hiring people, or part of a technical team, stop looking only for the best average. Ask, instead, how that person reacted the last time something really broke.
